Why is it that I can leave the house with all good intentions, thankful to have been given another day, asking myself how I can give today? and five minutes later I have been mean to someone on more than one occasion?! I can’t believe myself sometimes. I’m rude to a truck driver, who apparently did not think I had the right away, and then rude to a woman at Just Food! Just Food! A wonderful food pantry that provides the most amazing farmer’s market veggies and other items to low income families. Just Food, the place where I was on my way to volunteer today! How embarrassing! I realize that some people may not even take notice of my subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) rudeness, but I, am fully aware. I replay it over and again in my mind, instead of just letting it go and saying I’ll do better next time. There is no changing it. I can apologize if I see that woman again? That is, if I happen to, in some miraculous instance, actually remember what she looks like, as I can’t even remember when a boyfriend has a beard or shaves it off? Today though, thankfully, Just Food was closed. That way, it was just the woman, myself, and my rudeness, who were present. So much for my mantra, “I am kind to everyone I meet”.
I found it a little too simple to write about the other day, but now, I am sure it is worth mentioning: Giving patience. Perhaps some people give patience without even thinking about it. For me, on the other hand, it requires constant work. What you would think of as simple challenges, but aren't for me: when I am walking through a store, and come to that awkward crossroads, you know, when someone has to let the other person walk in front or go first, or push that gigantic cart with only one item in front of you, or when you both get to the check out at the same time, or when they only have one item, but you’re in a really big hurry too? Or maybe it's when I'm driving down the street and there clearly aren’t as competent drivers as myself on the road, and I have to let someone in front of me? Let me tell you, I have been practicing patience in these things over the weekend, some scenarios better than others, and it is like someone is hitting me on the head with a hammer, and laughing, because I am in agony over a stupid grocery cart going ahead of me. I tend to be so self centered that I always think I have the right away, and that I was there first and should be allowed to go and I have been waiting the longest, but this cannot be the case. Maybe I am so blinded by my me bubble that it requires a hammer, rather than a simple pin, to burst it. So, I will say with confidence, that I find that practicing patience daily, is definitely giving. Let the other person go first. I give what I have, and what I have, is the ability to not make you grumpy, by allowing you the space you need.
Lesson of the day: If you see me on the road, and I cut you off, it is probably just someone who looks like me.